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LAce Posted Monday, April 11th, 2005
Throw Away Baby
Mitzi McMahon

Toby's bright blue slicker disappeared into the gaping doors of the school bus. I waved then returned to the kitchen for another cup of coffee. A dusting of flour covered the counters, the floor. If I hadn't caught Toby when I did, it would've been worse. He'd insisted on pancakes for breakfast every morning since he was old enough for solid food. What was new was his wanting to help make them. A good sign, Dr. Robertson said.

I warmed my hands with the mug, enjoying the aroma of hazelnut. Beyond the patio door, clusters of sunny daffodil faces danced in the wind. I'd planted them the fall after Toby was born as a reminder that all things blossom. Their numbers had nearly doubled in the seven years since. I loved watching them come up every spring.

The day Toby was conceived felt like spring, up high in the mountains. It was July, warm in the valley but cooler eleven thousand feet up. Peter and I had ridden bikes, stashed them part way up, then hiked as far as our lungs would allow. We'd rested in a small patch of sweet-smelling grass, surrounded by dense pines stretching skyward. The scent of jasmine and honeysuckle filled the air, us. Afterwards, the sun warmed our bodies while we snacked on apples and cheddar cheese.

Peter left soon after Toby arrived. The breaking point for both of us had come when he'd suggested that we give Toby away. Let someone better equipped take care of him, he'd said. Like he was a throw away baby.

Pelting rain against the windows brought me back to the present—a room littered with bright wiggly toys, plastic coated books, and medicine syringes. I drained my coffee cup and got up. I had work to do.

Comments [post a comment]

Posted by Katie Weekley on Tuesday, April 12th, 2005 at 11:33 AM
This is so touching!

Posted by Marcia Lynx Qualey [ mlynxqualey@yahoo.com ] on Tuesday, April 12th, 2005 at 1:34 PM
This is beautiful, Mitzi. Fuck Peter.

Posted by Patricia Parkinson on Friday, April 15th, 2005 at 7:20 PM
Mitzi, this break my heart, I'm with Marcia. Lovely work.

Posted by Katrina Denza on Saturday, April 16th, 2005 at 3:51 PM
Wonderful story, Mitzi.

Posted by Sheyma Buali on Monday, April 18th, 2005 at 7:21 AM
It's amazing how some people can catch a passing thought like that. Make that moment something memorable for me.. a complete stranger. Very nice.

Posted by Salome Homeyer on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005 at 1:48 PM
Gave me chills - thank you....very memorable.

Posted by Cecilia Miller on Friday, May 13th, 2005 at 7:25 PM
This is beautifully expressed and tugs at the heart-strings.



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